holiday half race report...sorta

“What is the real game? It is a game in which the heart is entertained, the game in which you are entertained. It is the game you will win.”

Today I ran my slowest 1/2 marathon in two years.

I wasn't hurt.  I didn't get sick.  I had plenty of miles under my belt.  Nearly 2,000 for the year, in fact.

I originally planned to run this 1/2 marathon balls out.  Try to PR.  Puke if I had to.

But times, they are a-changin'.

Somewhere along the way, I decided to enjoy the journey.  After the Cascade Lakes Relay this year, I had the great fortune to sit down to dinner with one of my teammates.  She's this tiny little thing who just radiates energy.  She told us about her favorite leg this year, when she just looked over at this lady waiting for her runner, and said, "Wanna race?"  She blazed a trail.  Ran faster than all of us.  "So what are you planning to do next?" I asked her.  "Oh, I don't know," she said, "I just love to run."

I wanna be like that, I thought to myself.

People come in to our lives and show us different ways of being.  Sometimes it is the runner friend so focused on the finish time that they forget to smile and enjoy the people they are with.  Sometimes it is the friend who stops and chats with the team or the volunteer, choosing connections over results.  There is no right or wrong to do this running thing.  You don't have to be the fastest, or PR every time, or refuse to stop at water stations. You can just do your own thing.

This hasn't been the easiest lesson for me to learn.

I like to be fast; I'm not gonna lie.  But I also like to have fun.  So I decided to challenge myself today.  Try to run an easier race.  Chill out when I felt like it.  Stop and wait for a friend at the bathroom.  This is the first time I have ever done this. (Watching people pass - that was not easy to do.)  Give up the notion that the only good race is a PR race.

I started in to old habits early on.  Watched the average pace on my Garmin fall.  Fell in to the trap of thinking that if I could just push, push, push, I could maybe PR.  But then I regrouped.  This was a long race.  And I wanted to experience it.  Glanced out at the city and felt my heart swell with the beauty of the day.  I let myself slow down a bit, let people go.  Chatted with my running buddy.

When I unexpectedly saw one of my favorite people at an aid station, I stopped to give her a hug.  And chatted with her on the way back.  Took a moment to stretch.  Cheered people on.  Smiled at volunteers.

Coming in to the finish, I knew that I was almost 10 minutes slower than my last 1/2.  But I was smiling and happy.  I was excited to find out how my friends did.  I didn't have the review/analyze/criticize bug that I usually have when finishing a race.  And that was its own victory.

This running journey of mine is always evolving.  I don't know where it is leading, but I know that today I took a big step forward by allowing myself to have performance goals that had nothing to do with how fast I was running. Maybe someday I'll be able to look at someone, say "wanna race" and run like the wind...just because I love it.