scarcity and weekly miles

One of the things I love about dailymile is that checking out weekly and monthly mileage totals is a breeze. Want to see how many miles you ran this month versus last month? Click. Want to look at the graphs of your weekly mileage over the year? Click. Want to see how you compare to everyone else? Click.

Want to know something I hate about dailymile?

That checking out all of those weekly and monthly totals of your own and your friends is so easy.

I decided I would check out "how I did" in February. 126 miles. Last year I ran 181. My mind automatically leapt to "Oh crap! You have really messed up your training, and you have a 50k to run in two weeks, and you are going to totally eat it because your total miles are so much lower than last year. What were you thinking!!"

That's my gut shot reaction.  And I might have responded by racking up the miles to correct for what I perceived to be a lack in my training. I've certainly done that before. Of course, that's just asking for injury, but it's a response I have made many times in the past.

I'm trying to be smarter this year. After all, all those big miles last year resulted in one crapfest of a marathon. I'm looking instead at the quality of my runs, the consistency of my training, and my general feeling towards running. I'm running with joy right now. That's all I need.

I stumbled across this passage quoted from "The Soul of Money" by Lynne Twist in Brene Brown's book "The Gifts of Imperfection". It captures perfectly what I'm talking about - that feeling that we need to do more and the idea that is is a choice about how to view the world that we can actually make. I think it applies as well to running as anything in life:

"For me, and for many of us, our first waking thought of the day is 'I didn't get enough sleep.' The next one is 'I don't have enough time." Whether true or not, that thought of not enough occurs to us automatically before we even think to question or examine it. We spend most of the hours and the days of our lives hearing, explaining, complaining, or worrying about what we don't have enough of...

Before we even sit up in bed, before our feet touch the floor, we're already inadequate, already behind, already losing, already lacking something...

We each have the choice in any setting to step back and let go of the mindset of scarcity. Once we let go of scarcity, we discover the surprising truth of sufficiency...Sufficiency isn't an amount at all. It is an experience, a context we generate, a declaration, a knowing that there is enough, and that we are enough."

Are you looking at your training and finding it coming up short? Are you caught in the comparison game? Perhaps you just need to step back and let yourself feel that it is enough just as it is...

the speed trap

Once upon a time there was this runner...

Isn't that how all good stories start?

It was a dark and stormy night...

I digress.  

I've been doing a lot of thinking about all this Boston hub-bub. You know, all the brew-haha about changing the standards, registration procedures, blah blah blah.  I'm in agreement with the changes. I think that the changes will help create an elite race for those runners who value their achievements in pushing hard and running fast. I have the utmost respect for those who can push themselves so hard in training and racing.

But...

There's always a but, isn't there?

I have realized that this goal of qualifying for Boston is not one that actually resonates with me right now. I have been thinking about it in a half hearted way, wanting to qualify for the wrong reasons, I suppose. A BQ has become a badge of honor, a way to judge your efforts against others, and sure, I wanted to be able to meet that standard, but really only because it seemed like the thing I should be doing as a person who loves to run.

But the running that makes me happiest happens at the intersection of ease and effort, and right now, that's slower than the BQ standards. When I realized that I would need to run almost twenty minutes faster to guarantee registration on the first day, it was a sense of relief I felt - not challenge. Maybe that means I've lost my competitive fire. Or that I'm lazy.

I'm okay with that.

In the end, your running needs to make you happy. If running fast and puking makes you happy, then go for it. If running slowly until you think your legs might fall off makes you happy, then that's what you should do. If running 5ks with friends is what you love, then that's what you should be doing. You can't let what others value in their running dictate what you do. Find what fills your heart with joy and then do that, as much as you can.

Are you chasing after goals that aren't your own? Or does your running sit right in your sweet spot?

sneak peak at hell hill

Despite the fact that I woke up this morning feeling the sick coming on, I still made it to meet up with my friend Christine so we could drive out to the Columbia Gorge and preview the killer hill that will start off our 50k.

We have no plans to run this hill at the start of the race, and we certainly weren't going to run it today.  Mostly we wanted to see what we were in for - 1,500 ft of elevation gain in two miles was conjuring up way too many scary ideas.  It's better to know what's coming, right?

Here's just a few pics we snapped today:

The start at Wahkeena Falls

Just one of many falls we'll see along the way.

Can you tell it has been raining?

Why no, we aren't done climbing yet!

Lots of rock and technical stuff. May stub a few toes.

Treacherous stream crossings :)

Big trees. I love big trees.

The Columbia Gorge is truly sensational.

I cannot wait for this race now!

the long run and your immune system

Surprise, surprise.

I'm sitting here on Friday morning with swollen glands and a headache. Lovely.

Tuesday I ran 20, and Wednesday I ran 10, and while I took yesterday off, I still seemed to have run myself down enough to catch whatever bug has been percolating in our family.

This has been a problem of mine with marathon training.  See, the long run can wipe out your immune system pretty good and leave you susceptible to all kinds of bugs.  My last two marathons were both kicked in the butt by bronchitis.  I had a chest x-ray the Friday before Eugene to make sure that my lungs were recovering.

Knock on wood, though, I'm getting better at managing the long miles and the immune system.  I have a pretty good idea about why I ended up in trouble this week.  Because I've been okay in managing my body, I don't think it's going to be particularly nasty. For those of you who are just starting to stretch out the miles, I'm going to share some of the hard lessons I've learned and how you can do the most to keep yourself from coming down with a training halting illness.

1. Build your miles.
I think that a major factor in being able to run long and not end up sidelined by illness is by being adapted to the miles. I've noticed that since my core endurance has gotten me to a point that I can run 12 or 13 with very little after effects, my ability to run longer has improved.  As my recovery has improved, so has my ability to fight off infection.  So really build your base before you start to go long.

2. Take it easy.
Part of the reason I think I had trouble this week is that I ran a little harder than I should have.  I got knocked out with the flu after a particularly fast 20 miler in a previous training cycle.  The harder you run, the more you tax your system. While you think that hard effort might be good for getting your best marathon time, it's not going to help if you are out for a week or two with a cold.

3. Recover well.
Make sure you eat enough after your run - the long run day is not the day to also kick up your diet.  Eat quality food, and make sure you get enough protein.  I should have had my protein smoothie after I ran on Tuesday, but I didn't have enough time. I do think, though, that my healthier eating this winter is helping me stay well more often than not. My family has had a lot of colds this season - this is the first one that is dragging me down.


4. Get enough sleep and rest.
This was probably my biggest problem. I had a fun night on Wednesday with my girlfriends, but I didn't get nearly enough sleep. I woke up with a raging headache Thursday morning, and then spent the day rushing around with errands and chores. I didn't have a choice in the matter, but this meant that I did not get the rest I needed to help my body fully recover.

5. If you do get sick, stop training.
I don't know about you, but I like to subscribe to the theory that I can "run out" a cold. Except that sometimes I can't, and I end up running it even deeper in to my system.  If you just ran a long run, I think it is better to just go ahead and give your body a break.  I've tried running before I was ready - and got an extra week of sick time for my pains.

What are your best tips for staying well during training?

all about the gear

Despite my less than stellar run, I was still excited to learn that my new gear seems like it is going to work out well for the upcoming ultra.

One of the things I realized on the Wildwood excursion was that my backpack was going to be too heavy for the race.  When I had a chance to lose the load with 9 miles to go, I was amazed by how much that pack was affecting me. Because the Gorge Waterfalls 50k has waterstops every 5 miles, I figured I could get away with a hand-held waterbottle, but I would also need a little food since there were only two ultra stations along the way. What do do?

Finding the handheld wasn't too bad. I perused all the reviews, thought about what my running friends had said, and decided on the Ultimate Direction Fast Draw.

It is quite comfortable on the hand. You can cinch it down to fit your hand so that it just hangs there easily. The bottle seals itself well, which was a major concern for me. I sweat enough - I don't need water dripping all over me.  The pouch is nice, and I may stow my S-caps in there on race day. I am still getting used to the squeezing, slurping action that it takes to get water out of the bottle, but I would take that over spilling all over me any day.  I have noticed that my shoulders are a bit tight from carrying it, but I expect that they will become accustomed to the weight quickly.

Finding a lightweight way to carry extra nutrition was another story.  I looked at bigger belts, but I am tired of the chafing I get from those around my waist.  I needed something with a pocket for my cell phone.  And I wanted a little extra room for stashing a coat or hat.

I found all of that in the Nathan Krissy Vest.

It's a super-light vest, with pockets on the front for carrying gear, and a large pocket in the back for stashing a coat or something light. There are even holsters for gel packs.  I barely noticed it was there, but I was able to carry plenty of food.  (As long as I packed it!)

Only problem with this vest is that it has been discontinued, so it is very hard to find.  I was able to find one online through a store in Canada.  I did ask Nathan (via Twitter) if they planned to bring something like that back, and they said they were thinking about it for 2012.

I guess I have my gear set for the big race.  24 more days.

maybe i should be afraid of the long run...

I had this great idea that I was going to take short videos during my run today so I could share my glorious 20 miler with you.

I was going to be peppy and cute, share some thoughts on running, you know - happy running stuff.

The rain this morning was my first clue that things were not going to go to plan.

It was one of those cold, nasty rains - 40 degrees and sloppy.  Dark. Dismal. As I drove back from dropping the kids off, I strongly considered running 20 on the treadmill. But knowing that would suck, I opted to bundle up instead. My high point was trying out new gear (a Nathan vest and a hand held - I'll report on those later this week), but not even the satisfying pop of removing tags could not get me excited about this run.

Right off the bat, my hands were freezing.  Ugh.

I had planned out a route that sounded good on paper.  A figure eight for 12 miles, then a repeat of the first half of the route, which was a convenient 8 miles. Maybe on a beautiful day I would have been okay, but my mental game was off.  Even when it stopped raining, I couldn't get past my discomfort.

Those miles were slow.  A lady passed me, and I desperately wanted to run her down, but I was only at mile 8. Would have been a stupid move. I thought about asking how far she was going, but I knew this was just me being snarky. I stayed silent.

I decided to stop by home.  Walk the dog, who had been cooped up, and then my brilliant plan was to watch "Spirit of the Marathon" and do the last 8 on the treadmill. I took in my second bit of food while walking the dog.

Back inside, I made it 3.  I was too tempted to go fast, and I was bored.  I decided to finish up the last 5 on the road.

A quick map, and I was on my way.

Only I didn't eat first.  Or bring water.  Because it was "only 5 miles".  Um, how long have I been running? I know better.

I was obsessed with food within a mile.  I thought about what I would eat when I got home. I re-checked my empty Honey Stinger pouch in case I left one behind. I wondered what plants I was passing might be edible. I even got to the point that I reasoned with myself that if I were to find an unopened food item on the ground, I would totally eat it.  I felt light-headed. Had to walk up the hills.

Total nutrition bonk.

It was, in every way, an ugly run. They can't all be pretty.

So needless to say, there is no happy video.  Not even a little bit of sad, starving, and cold video either. Maybe next time.

lose your fear

I don't know about you, but I think that one of the toughest parts of training for a marathon is getting over the fear of running that long run.

My first marathon, I ran my first 16 miler and it was so hard that I quit running long entirely.

For my second marathon, I ran one 20 miler, and I did it at a pretty fast pace for me.  I was sore for days and picked up the kids' flu, which then turned in to bronchitis and tatered the rest of my marathon training. I ran a decent marathon, but it was not what I set my goal for.

On my third attempt, I did the same thing.  Bronchitis and all. I really began to doubt my ability to run long and stay well. Lacing up my shoes for a long run scared me. How sick would I be after the effort? How many weeks of training would I lose?

There are two schools of thought about how to run the long run for marathon prep.  One says to be sure to practice at an effort level near your goal pace, at least at the end of the run.  The other one says to take it slow, to get used to time on your feet. That approach always sounded suspect to me. How could you possibly run quickly if most of your practice was much slower than your goal pace?

But I think I'm starting to get it.

This ramp up to my next marathon is entwined with training for a 50k.  I already have 16, 20, and 31 mile training runs under my belt.  I have another 20 scheduled for Tuesday, and then I'll have the 31 mile race before the next marathon.  The 16 mile was one of those tough efforts, but the other runs have been very slow.  But because they have been so slow, I've been able to recover from them well.  And that has had a curious side effect.

I'm not afraid of the long run anymore.

Maybe the whole point of running your long runs slow to get time on your feet is more about losing your fear of the distance than anything. Because we all know that fear messes with our performance in big ways. Lose your confidence, and you lose your ability to run well.  If you are struggling with actually doing your long runs because they freak you out, try giving yourself permission to run them super slow for now, until you build the confidence to run them faster.

Of course, I could be totally wrong. Bronchitis could be just around the corner. I do love to train in the winter and spring. But at least I am looking forward to my long run on Tuesday - which is something new for me.

Are you afraid of the long run when you see it on your schedule? Why do you think that is? And if not, what has given you the confidence to be able to put the big miles in?

friday confessional

How did we get to Friday so fast?

Guess that means it's time for another confessional.  Let's talk music this time...

1. I had a major thing for Michael Jackson when I was in 5th grade. I loved his music, but I think my favorite song was "Ben", which I would sit around and sing sadly in my room when I was feeling blue.

2. When I saw Aerosmith in concert in the early 90's, I found Steven Tyler shockingly sexy during the concert. Even doing that crazy dance...I really don't get it. But that dude can perform!

3. I like cheesy songs to run to - can anyone spin up some "Ice, Ice, Baby"?

4. I recently discovered Hawaiian ukelele music courtesy of @gosonja. Take a listen to Ledward Kaapana on a pandora station if you are fan of mellow island music. A winter blues buster if I ever heard one!

If you are curious about what other ladies like to run to, my running group recently compiled some of their favorite songs on a blip station. We had a huge range of songs. Have a listen!

you can go further than you think

I am, by nature, a cautious person.

My first experience of throwing caution to the wind and running a marathon with only one long run of 16 miles under my belt ended with shooting pain and serious respect for the distance. I made sure that I had at least one 20 miler in the bank before my next two marathons, as well as a solid base of 40 - 50 mile weeks. Even still, I felt like I had not trained enough for those marathons. If one 20 miler was good, four would surely be better.

So I have been stuck in this trap of thinking that I need to run mega miles and numerous long runs to be able to go the distance. It has been messing with my head.

I didn't have the confidence that I could run the entire Wildwood Trail without having done more 20 - 25 mile long runs first.

I was not going to even try. I was totally going to chicken out.

But with a friendly push from my friend Deb, I found myself out at the trailhead Saturday morning.

You know how that story ends.

I could go further than I thought.  And you probably can too.

The key, I think, is to start slow. I was not trying to do that distance at top speed. Or even medium speed. Heck, it was hardly slow speed. But it was fun speed, and it was confidence building speed, and I managed to cover the miles without getting hurt. And now my body knows what it is like to be moving for eight hours, what it is like to go 31 miles, so that next time, it will be more prepared.

So dare to dream a little.  If you have a goal to run 10 miles, or 20, or even 50, you can do it. Just take it slow and believe in yourself.

A little push from a friend can't hurt either.

WTF: The Wildwood Trail Fatass

It has been said that you emerge from the other side of a long run a changed person.

Or at least a sore one.

Today, I am a different person than the one who woke up yesterday to finally run the entire Wildwood Trail.

All smiles before starting the adventure.

I slept poorly the night before. After 5 am, I was checking my watch every 10 minutes to make sure I had no overslept. I fretted and fussed; did I have everything I need? Which bottoms to wear? Could my legs carry me that far? How bad was it really going to hurt?

Breakfast was quiet, and I could tell I was nervous. I lost my coffee as I loaded up the car. I checked and rechecked my gear. My pack was heavy, but I could not decide what to leave behind.

The drive was too short; I tried not to think about how many miles I had to go.  I found a Steve Miller Band album playing on the radio and regressed to high school.

The parking lot was full of my fabulous friends. Seven others supporting me on at least part of this journey. I wanted to pinch myself. This was really happening.

After shuttling a few cars, we were off.

Our long line of runners. We greeted those
going the other way with the wave and cheers.

The beginning was rough. I was tight after not running all week. My hip was sore and the corresponding knee was cranky. I could feel my lower back acting like my period was on the way. I tried not to panic. One foot in front of the other. Just keep moving.

The miles ticked by. Every two miles, everyone stopped to sing "Happy Birthday". (Why yes, there is video!)

The intervals happily came closer as we moved on and I chatted with my friends. Things began to loosen up, but I didn't really feel good. Just okay.

15 miles in; most of the ladies are done.

Soon we were turning up Firelane 5 to drop the girls off at their cars. A steep climb, and suddenly I felt good. Strong. I could do this. I hoped.

Down to three.

We kept moving, walking the hills, adjusting. Happily my shorts weren't giving me any issues. Jodi's shoe was falling apart though, and it was starting to affect her foot. I thought my legs were going to maybe fall off. They just sort of burned, but when I thought about other things, it wasn't so bad.

Three miles from our support point, Jodi decided that she couldn't run anymore. The broken shoes were hurting her foot, so we had to leave her. Once again, I was reminded that you never know what might go wrong on long run day.

With 9 miles to go, we met up with my running buddy Ed.  "It feels like we're really flying," I told him, "but we probably aren't."  He laughed.  "Nope, you're not."

About two miles later, I hit my lowest point.  The wall.  I could feel the tears building; this hurt.  But I knew it wasn't in an injury kind of way. Just fatigue.  It can cover you like a blanket.  Debbie could tell I was low.  "Let's walk for a bit," she said, "and give your pack to Ed."  I decided to listen.  I ate some gummi bears.  Losing that weight felt great.  A few minutes later, and I could go again.

We still had the climb to Pittock left, but climbing felt good. I knew where I was, and I knew that I could finish.

I'd like to say we sailed across those last few miles, but who am I kidding.  We covered those miles. Painfully. Slowly. But with laughter. Smiles. Confidence.

Coming down that last quarter mile was sweet.  I looked for my family, waiting with cold beer and hugs. I had done this big thing; hell, I had MADE IT HAPPEN. I was an ultrarunner. I could hit that wall of fatigue and fight my way through it. I could keep my legs moving when they were begging me to stop. The doubts I have had since Seattle cracked a little.

When I met my husband in the parking lot, I asked him, "So how do I look compared to the last marathon?" He said, "This is the best you've ever looked."  Indeed.

31.6 miles later, Debbie and I are at milepost 0.

it's almost go time

Tomorrow at this time I will be on the Wildwood Trail, heading towards milepost zero. 31.25 miles and crossing off one of my "Gonna Make This Happen" action items.

Look for photos and a full report soon.

my perfect shorts...at last!

Dudes - this discussion probably won't interest you. Well, maybe it will because it is all about women's butts. Just not in a sexy way.

Running shorts have not been my friend as of late.

I love wearing shorts, but lately, it seems like their lengths have been creeping up. A 3" inseam is fine if you are twenty years old and have tiny quads and no butt, but this does not describe me.  While I wear a size small shirt in most clothing lines, I have to go to a medium size for my bottoms just to feel like I am covered up. For whatever reason, running shorts are rarely built for women with real backsides, and I struggle to find a pair that I am comfortable wearing.

So I was very excited to see that Brooks is offering a cute new short this spring with a 5" inseam. My experience so far has been that a longer inseam usually means a better fitting short for me. I ordered a pair in black, and here are the results:

Long enough to hit at a more flattering point of the thigh

I know it isn't earth shaking news, but I for one am glad that I finally found some shorts I am excited to wear. Now if spring would just come...