Facing Down the Distance

In my more optimistic moments, I imagine myself running a 50k. When I'm on the verge of madness, I see myself running it effortlessly, quickly, not unlike the incredible athletes that grace the covers of Trailrunner magazine. Poring over books and articles, I am enthralled by what it takes to go the distance. And while I imagine myself in the 50k, it is the 50 miler or the 100 miler that really captures my attention. Could I pull something like that off? What does it take to go that distance?

When I mention casually to friends that I am thinking of doing a marathon, I am met with approval and enthusiasm. Throw out the word "ultra" though, and it's a whole new story. "You're crazy!" is the most common response. "Really?" comes in a close second. And it leads me to wondering what I'm really drawn to in this sport that I have yet to try.

Is it the trails? I've always been drawn to the trails. When I first discovered that there was a trail leading from Canada to Mexico through the Cascades, I dreamed of covering the miles someday (on horseback during my horse phase). I've always loved hiking. One of my favorite trips came during the summer after my senior year in high school when I hiked partway around Mt Hood, lunching in Paradise Park and camping at Dollar Lake. So yes, the allure of trails certainly has something to do with it. I love the idea of covering long miles through the wilderness, but my success in falling on relatively clear trails leaves me a little concerned at the idea.

But I think more than the call of nature, what appeals to me in the ultra is the idea of challenging myself to see just how far I can go. I have done a marathon now - not very well trained and not very quickly - but could I go farther? How far can I go if I train hard and long? Is it more important to me to qualify for Boston or to push my limits? I suppose either one pushes my limits, but I find that the appeal of the ultra is probably more. There is a question in me as to what I'm made of. Will I bend or break? My hope is that I would bend, would find inner strength to get me through the physical challenge, but perhaps no. If I were to break, to fail, it would be far more profound than if I am unable to qualify for Boston. So many reasons that a 3:45 might not happen on race day. Not life-changing. Not really.

Still, it is scary as hell to contemplate such a thing. It might be easier to keep running within these easy limits. For now, I'll just keep staring down those miles, daring them to answer.