To Boston or Not To Boston . . .

That is a good question.

Boston was a goal I never really had in my sights before.  Boston was for the really good runners, those speedsters who would lap me on their cooldown runs.  Thin, sleek gazelle like runners who ran track in college or former Ironmen triathletes who decided to get this notch on their belt.  Not me.  Not a full-time mom who was lucky to get in 20 miles a week.

But as my running has improved, my dreams have gotten bigger.  The mileage increased, my physique started to look more runner like, and then . . . a 1:51 half marathon.  An 8:35 pace.  My magic number.  At my age, I need to run a 3:45 marathon to qualify, which is, yes, an 8:35 pace.  What before had never seemed possible now just slipped in to view.

I kept training.  Kept pushing.  Then a 1:46 marathon.  Cushion time.  Hmm.  This Boston thing just might be possible.

So I'm training for the Eugene Marathon May 3rd.  It's a nice flat course, and temperatures should be just about perfect (barring any crazy Oregon heatwaves which occasionally come up in May).  Can I do it?  My VO2 max calculations say yes.  My recent races say yes.  My training pace says yes.  Even my running buddies say yes.

But I'm not so sure about me.  I keep remembering how hard the last one was.  I keep remembering how well trained my running buddies were who were on pace to qualify until mile 20, and then ran in to injury.  I keep thinking that somehow, magically, those long runs will not be painful if I'm properly trained - but they still hurt - so maybe I'm not training right.  I worry that I will end up injured afterwards, like my 1/2 marathon I ran so fast.  Mentally, I'm all over the place.  Mentally, I'm not sure that I'm ready.

So where does that leave me?  I don't have the answer.  I'm just going to keep on training and see if I can start to build the confidence to give it a real shot.  Or I'll keep on training and come to the conclusion that Eugene is a nice training run for an ultra.   I'm hoping to see some advice on TiART today that will address this mental issue - advice how to keep going when you are afraid.  If anyone has ideas, I'm listening!